Why can't I be angry

I wish sometimes that I could be angry at Chris for passing away.  I could harness the anger and use it for good but I am just sad and depressed and when that happens I get nothing done and I feel worse.  I try to keep life scheduled so I don't fall into depression but sometimes I just can't help it.

As for the diet I have decided I have 2 hurdles to overcome:

1) redefining the word treat not to be associated with food but rather beauty treatments so when I have a craving for something sweet I can going to try whitening my teeth or getting a pedicure.

2) Portion control.  I am blessed to have a friend who is a personal trainer.  We were chatting on facebook and he asked if he could send me some materials.  I welcome all the help I can get.  He asked me to do a nutrition journal.  I thought it was pointless on this diet but it does show that I consider a portion to be 2 cups.  When I have soup or salad it is always 2 cups.  I would really like to get my stomach down to 1 cup.