Baby Woes

Well yesterday Christopher was so constipated he was in tears. I called health link and they offered a few hydrating solutions but the cure that worked like a miracle was YJ. I mixed 1 ounce of YJ with and ounce of apple juice and within 30 minutes everything was back in order. It is still in order today! He also loved the juice! I was surprised I thought it would be to sour for him but he loves it! I am giving him a little everyday from now on!

Lonely Nights

Well.. the diet is working.  I am in the smallest pair of pants I own.  I have however been craving beef.  Today I had a small steak.. it was delicious.

The only thing is as I fill my days my nights seem more lonely.  I spend more time in the evenings missing my husband.  It seems the more routine things became the more obvious the times are that Chris is not here.  Earlier when days ran into days I missed Chris but it wasn't like it is now it was frequent but not every night when chores were done and I sit down to watch television.

The Magic Formula

So I think we have finally hit on it.  The magic weight loss formula.  Eating no more than 200 calories every 3 hours.  The frequent eating increases metabolism.  YOu must drink a glass of water with each meal and at some point during the day I am drinking green tea, also to increase metabolism.

Also for other health reasons I am having a daily dose of Youth Juice and 2 squares of dark chocolate for their health benefits.

This may be the ticket I have talked to many women who have been successful in their weight loss and this seems to be the magic formula.

Wellbeing

So I met with a nurse from EHRC last Friday and she left me a pamphlet on biofeedback.  It sounds good but I don't think I am there yet.  I called her about it and some other questions on Wednesday and suggested I see my psychiatrist and pursue my planned EMDR (which has been put on hold until I see the psychiatrist needed to put me on disability). 

I suggested I wait until May to try biofeedback and I felt like she was pressuring me to change counsellors.  I have a counsellor at the Children's hospital and I love her I don't know why I need a new counsellor it would be like starting all over again.  She is also pushing really hard for me to leave my baby with her while I go to counselling.  I nicely said he is good he can just stay with me but she won't let it go.

I am trying to get my well being in order and I think I am on the right track.  I am losing weight, working on fitness, playing with my babe, starting monthly massages, going to the chiropractor, eating an ounce of dark chocolate a day, drinking green tean and YJ and now launching my own YJ business.  Isn't that enough?!

Revamping the diet

The soup diet isn't working for me.  I am losing weight but not fast enough and it leads to bindging when I do eat out.  I am craving eggs, pasta everything.  So here is my new plan.. water.. that has been my weakness I will finish the water jug daily even if it means chugging it at the end of the day.

So I will do a shake (carnation) since I have a bunch in my cupboard from before my husband passed away or a smoothie for breakfast.  For lunch I will do soup or salad making sure to practice portion control.. no more than a small soup bowl of food. Then a piece of fruit or cup of Zero yogurt if desired afterward.  Supper will be sensible.. no more than a small soup bowl of food but It will include meat or eggs and veggies and maybe even brown rice or whole wheat pasta.

I am also adding two squares of dark chocolate and one cup of green tea a day to my diet.  The dark chocolate is a nice treat and has some excellent health benefits especially with my weight induced health risks that it can help curb.  Green tea is supposed to have weight loss properties.

So much has happened

So it has been a hard week trying to find solutions as I am not ready to return to work.  Thankfully an option of medical leave has presented itself and I can relax a little and maybe get some sleep tonight.

I went and spent the day at my sister's yesterday it was great to work out with someone and on some different equipment.  I think it should be a weekly event.  However, I can't eat there, she made pasta and my gall bladder gave me pain for hours and hours after.  

I am looking into an open adoption of my great niece.. she would be a beautiful addition to our family.

Finally we are looking into a family recharge vacation before I have to return to work.. considering Turks and Caicos or St. Lucia.. leaning toward St. Lucia.. any tips?

Why can't I be angry

I wish sometimes that I could be angry at Chris for passing away.  I could harness the anger and use it for good but I am just sad and depressed and when that happens I get nothing done and I feel worse.  I try to keep life scheduled so I don't fall into depression but sometimes I just can't help it.

As for the diet I have decided I have 2 hurdles to overcome:

1) redefining the word treat not to be associated with food but rather beauty treatments so when I have a craving for something sweet I can going to try whitening my teeth or getting a pedicure.

2) Portion control.  I am blessed to have a friend who is a personal trainer.  We were chatting on facebook and he asked if he could send me some materials.  I welcome all the help I can get.  He asked me to do a nutrition journal.  I thought it was pointless on this diet but it does show that I consider a portion to be 2 cups.  When I have soup or salad it is always 2 cups.  I would really like to get my stomach down to 1 cup.

Confessions

I stepped on the scale this morning and I haven't lost a pound.  But, I know where I went wrong.  On day 3 I woke up at about 4 am hungry and ate a banana thinking it was day four.  but by day four I had lost 5 lbs.  It all went wrong New Years Eve.  I had a drink which we all know is a no no.  I had 2 carbonated drinks not even the diet ones.  I ate cheese and had a piece of cake and beef on a bun.  There were lots of veggies there and I could have had the beef without the bun.  Especially if I hadn't eaten my 3 portions of meat for the day before hand.

Portion control is definitely my weakness especially when it comes to sweets.  I noticed this yesterday when I made a single serving of brown rice, wow was that a small serving.  I would always make four to six servings when my husband was alive and truly that would be 2 or 3 servings for us.  In our house growing up if you didn't eat all you could the first night it would all be gone by the next day because my siblings would get up in the night and eat it all.

New Years day I ate as I should at the house.  But, it was my niece's 17th birthday and I went over for dinner.  The roast beef was healthy but not the scalloped potatoes and she had made a mixed veg mostly peas and corn.  The the cake, I should have just had one piece I told myself that but it was so good.  I knew I shouldn't do it but I did anyway.  Does that mean I am not comited to weight loss?

New year's eve and diets

Well, last night was a wash... I learned something valuable about my eating habits though.  I had only one drink at the party, as the diet says it is no condusive in alcohol consumption and I quickly felt the effects.  But, I had beef on a bun, so bread which is a no no and then I had some cheese, but the thing that taught me a lesson was the piece of cake I had.

The piece of cake was small but it had a coconut icing and I didn't love it.  But, did I stop eating?  No.  My sister had a slice and she said "I don't know that I am a fan.  I can honestly say I am done."  I need to learn that food that is not fully enjoyable does not need to be finished.